Secondary Infertility: This is not Dinner Conversation...
Mar 12, 2014 03:30AM
By Brooke McGee
Sometimes, you may decide not to talk about it anymore. You suffer in silence, without a team jersey or side to belong to. But, this is not dinner conversation. This is not what you mention when you’re asked how things are going. Shame, a forceful fist that silences. (Because we blame ourselves, even if just a little, don’t we?) Forced to hide a love that will never flourish, deny a voice you’ll never hear. You’re greedy, one figure on your shoulder tells you. It’s a natural desire, the other says. But arguing in your head never gets you anywhere. And, all too often, neither does talking to either of the sides that you don’t belong to.
The causes of secondary infertility are often unknown and complex. Regardless, the mental anguish of not understanding why can consume you and no matter what, desire cannot be taken away by reassuring words. Adding fuel to the fire is the conflicting reality that so many people just don’t understand what the big deal is. “You’re a parent. Be happy. If you really want more you can take mine for a week!” (Oh how quaint, as if that isn’t the tenth time someone has said that.)
Some in the end do have their second happily ever after. We may never know the reasons why or why not. And unfortunately, some may not have the support they need in front of them. It’s difficult to end a writing like this with a closing statement, because in all reality, all too often there is no closure for something like this. There is though, acceptance. Although family and friends might not understand, the Internet is full of resources and information. Chat forums are one way many find support and validation. Education also helps.